Masculine Violence: We The Bullied...

This essay is going to sound like a 12-Step meeting, and for that, I apologize... I don't like 12-Step stuff...

An old saying in the EEUU is that “ everyone is imperfect, everyone gets picked on”. Owing to the violence and power obsessed society here, I would agree. I would also observe that some get picked on more than others. Like sharks in a tank full of menstrual girls, the bullies trigger a feeding frenzy every time a new target is discerned.
Research shows that the bullies themselves feel powerless, and may be victims as well. So we have a societally induced cycle of cruelty, violence, and power-games. All of this also has to do with a feeling of significance, importance, and a place in the world. Need for significance is one of the most powerful human needs.
Growing up, I was always different- I was taller, heavier, smarter, and pinker than everyone. Kids don't like intelligence, especially in forced academia. I also have a blinded right eye which rolls into my head, and a birthmark on my left cheek. My Dad had died when I was 2.5 years old, and I was dominated by females. I was primo target number one.
After my Smother died when I was 14, I decided to scare everyone, to become the monster so I would be left alone. So, I embraced a para-military look, and became a skinhead. I joined a gang (the Excelsiors- we were “higher than” everyone else), got into cocaine, and became a street rumbler.
Numbed by the alkaloid, and with my size and teenage strength, I was a monster. Smaller people who fought me felt they needed the extra edge, and brickbats and weapons were used, even in a hands-only fight. I have been chained across the face, 2X4'd across the head and body, punched, kicked, pepper-sprayed, bitten, hit by cars, and sliced. Mercifully, I was never stabbed or shot. (There are some honors among brutes.) I have bled all too frequently, and I still have remnants of these battles- a permanently crooked nose from the dozen or so times it was broken- the nose opens up and bleeds on a hatpin when too dry or when I am stressed- I am sure the cocaine snorting did not help it. I have scars and permanent marks all over me; back pain, my right knee hurts and the leg has edema, and I have broken (and repaired) and missing teeth. I also get frequent migraines from the repeated concussions. My timbers are stout enough that no major shattering or breakages took place; for that I am deeply grateful.
I am a man who knows firsthand what a psycho berserker warrior is.

So, when I write about violence and the empire and no more “I have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds”, I am speaking from experience. Real experience. Life or death experience. Not from sparring in some “dojo” or clowning around with my friends in a basement. Fighting was exhilarating, but it was never sexual, nor was it a bonding thing. It was rage and anger and survival, and “you're NEVER going to hurt me again”. It was truly primal, not practiced for, but a true fight-or-flight reflex in effect.

I am sick of the bloodlust, and of the playing that war and fighting is good. It is total bullshit. Unless your life is directly threatened, beating the shit out of someone is NOT going to help you, and even then there will be problems. This thinking in the EEUU Zeitgeist is much like Israel's paranoia- any other idea or view poses and “existential threat to the very existence of Israel”. Frankfurt Schule Critical Theory in full effect. By everyone else being a threat to your significance, the talents, knowledge, and ability inherent in others will never be seen- it will always be a brutal pissing contest of domination. true bonding and cohesion will never take place, as there is no interdependence, just fighting for dominance and control/

So, here I am at 40, older, greying, and portly. I am growing hair in my ears and on my back, and losing it on my head. And what is the cry? Not share us your wisdom- but “let's go fight”. I am a silverback gorilla, I am an elder, I can move and climb and do things- I am by no means immobile. I just have no desire or need to go bouncing off of cliff faces, or playing fight club. My idea of bonding is teaching, healing, hands-on, and enchantments. Creating and becoming, not destroying and conquering. Let me show you what I have learned, so you can surpass me. Indeed, my life's philosophy is in MBP- my life's philosophy IS MBP.

I have played your silly little berserk warrior games, and know that they NEVER result in anything but more fear, paranoia, and violence. The cause suffering and injury, and are NOT a way to bond or grow closer. Lacrosse or chess or tribal wrestling would be a better focus if that's what you're looking for. And, eventually, you will grow old, and if all you are is a fighter, someone younger will dethrone you, and the cycle begins anew. You will always hunger for the connection and bonding you seek, as it will never develop.

Without the Guiarq, Quibey, and Tekguiarq; without the “I have become LOVE, CREATOR of the COSMOS”, there is nothing, nothing at all. It is simply imperial pathology. And there is no significance in imperial pathologies, just consumption and then seeking the next fix.
As the empire continues into freefall and collapse, we will see what wins, what is more important. I am willing to bet that petty warlords and roving gangs aren't it. Historically, they are the first to be destroyed, usually under their own drive for significance.

- Joaquin Raymundo in Sewaornock, Manahatouac.