GUATIAOS: NURTURING THE SACRED MASCULINE BOND

Recently a dear Bronkey posted a request that we focus on how to form and grow GUATIAOS. This essay is in response to that request. I am invoking that it opens up a discussion on GUATIAOS and a sharing of our personal experiences.
A quick review is in order: In NiTaino culture, the main social bond is a pair or triplet of unrelated, bonded males who adopt each other as the closest family possible, and it includes an official name-exchange. The term GUATIAO itself literally means “brother-lover-friend”. The reasons for GUATIAO are many, not the least of them being to fulfill a male's need to bonded with other males. GUATIAO is super-serious, and is considered more important than marriage.

GUATIAOS provide a social function as well, the pairs and trios are the base unit for a fratrifocal society. If one GUATIAO is injured or killed, his GUATIAO care for his offspring, and continue his legacy. They care for each other's children when they are alive, giving rise to the Arawak statement: “The boy has two fathers”. Children who have GUATIAOS as fathers are well-fed, and grow up with more resources.
GUATIAOS (albeit by different names) are found globally, even into imperial societies. They are an important part of military bonding (Frederick the Great of Prussia), and are encouraged by the Russian Orthodox Catholic Church (see recent blog post).
So, in this modern imperial world, where we lack the support system and social context and structures, how does a guy find a GUATIAO? The word GUATIAO's definition- brother-lover-friend is our best clue and guideline.

Humans are quite social, even to a fault. Except in some extraordinary circumstances, we all have male friends, and many of us are Loki (the word “luck” comes directly from Loki, an R & K Giant Norse god) enough to have male friends close enough to consider brothers. In both these situations, we are well on the road to having a GUATIAO. GUATIAO is really about mutual unconditional love and trust. Without those two intertwined functions, it will never be GUATIAO. Males are hard-wired to love and trust each other, it is the basis for masculine bonding and communion. It is the imperial forced conditioning that tries to remove that that creates paranoia, distrust, and competition on a harmful level.
Remember the definition at all times, too- brother-lover-friend. A quick pickup, one-night stand is NOT GUATIAO. Our correspondent shared a story, where the other guy he was bonding with said “thanks for just holding me, and not going straight for my ass or crotch”. Han-han! There is no objectification among GUATIAOS. The good, the bad, and the ugly is all unconditionally loved.

A good way to see how YOU are feeling towards him is to see if you can say (and mean) “I Love You to him. The three words "I Love You" are bandied about in such ways as to have rendered them useless. The word love itself has become a confusing abstract: one is told that someone "loves that color on you", "loves that song", "loves that pasta", etc. This is why the Matouac-NiTaino languages have the words Guiarq, Quibey, and Tekguiarq. Most pre-imperial cultures and languages have multiple words for these concepts. Let's look at the deeper, implied meanings when two males who are equals tell each other: "I Love You".
To love someone who is your equal does not include needing to protect or defend them always, it is not an enabling or victimizing concept, nor is it forming a legacy (unlike "romantic love", "love" involving non-males, imperial or "patriotic love", and most "parental love".). It is truly a celebration of trust and dignity in the loved ones' very essence of being. Nothing is expected, nothing is exchanged, gained, or lost. It is totally and truly non-imperial, as true love must be.
In this mind-frame, if you tell a Guatiao "Ni Guia" or "I Love You", it must be understood (and probably should be stated) that what is really meant is: "I love you, unconditionally, body, mind, and spirit. I also believe in you unconditionally, and I trust you unconditionally." Anything less is insincere, and disrespectful. If you don't feel it, don't say it. But if you do, say it as often as possible. That way it will never cease to exist.
The question is then posed, “what are Guiarq, Quibey, and Tekguiarq?”
GUIARQ is the emotional part of the Guatiao bond. It is the love and attraction that make two (or three) males choose to spend time with and weave with each other.
QUIBEY is the spiritual part of Guatiao that creates the energy that brings and keeps the two males together. It is beyond their control; it is the stuff their lives are guided by on a larger, external scale.
TEKGUAIRQ is the physical part of Guatiao. it is the affection, sensuality, and erotic weaving and sharing; it is how Guiarq and Quibey are externalized and expressed.
All three- Guiarq, Quibey, and Tekguiarq- are parts of the same whole, and are inseparable. They always occur together. You can't isolate or have one without the other two, as the three form a complete closed system. If one of the three is removed or denied, it will destroy the other two instantly. The balance and proportions are variable, and may change, but all three must always be present together, or none exist at all. Balanced Guiarq, Quibey, and Tekguiarq results in trust, respect, dignity, valor, and love.

Now, as in anything else, ratcheting an existing relationship up into a GUATIAO takes time, effort, love, compassion, and patience. GUATIAOS used to form in CONUCO, over a period of years. It is a life-long, permanent relationship, so you don't want to rush it, either. GUATIAOS must be cultivated and tended, much like a garden. It is a continual, long-term process that requires much dedication. Much like a garden, those who put the time in reap tremendous rewards. If one person in the pair or trio is a control freak, it won't work. If one person is too distracted by other demands, it won't work. It must be equal, mutual, and overall balanced. Remember, it is not just filling the need for physical contact with another male, either- GUATIAO is a very important, continuing effort and relationship. It cannot be rushed, and it grows naturally as it wants to.
At this point, I'd like to encourage the readers to go back and read the main site, the sections on GUATIAO and The MASCULINE COMMUNION particularly.
I am also inviting everyone who has or who had a GUATIAO-level bond to please write in and share stories and advice. This is a big, important topic, and I agree with our poster- why isn't this a main topic of discussion?
As always, thanks for the input!
-J.Raymundo in Sewaornock.